Jirou in Wonderland
by awintea
Summary: sweetpair // In the world of fangirls, there are many types, the main two being the fantasisers and the realists. Enter Akutagawa Jirou to throw this order into disarray, becoming the first to put fantasy into reality // chapter fic.


**Jirou in Wonderland**

This was a challenge from Rain-chan, in which Marui was supposed to fall into the realm of the fangirls. It will be laden with OCs that will be impossibly hard to keep track of, so ... yes, this is indeed a challenge.

Kudos to Rain-chan for coming up with the title as well!

Also, this is dedicated to Chocolate Confection, for the Sweet ficcy that was due for her birthday that never came (and never will).

This ficcy is extremely loosely based off of Alice in Wonderland - No. That is a lie. It borrows part of the title, and the chapter titles. But that is about it. xD

But anyway, enjoy!

(revised 2008.07.19 to make story slightly more plausible and to cull a minor plot hole)

**Down the Rabbit Hole**

Akutagawa Jirou was having a really bad day. Not the kind of bad day that makes you feel like it'd have been better if you hadn't got out of bed ('cause that's how Jirou felt most of the time anyway), but the type of bad day that could only get worse if somebody attempted to murder you.

First of all, guidance at Hyoutei had _finally_ called him down to talk to him about his 'narcolepsy', though it really wasn't narcolepsy in the first place. Sleep was good for the body, and it helped Jirou get back his energy after tennis practice and such. Jirou suspected foul play by the name of Ohtori Choutarou, who worried about others too much for his own good.

And at practice, he had been hit in the head with a _really_ fast tennis ball, from one of the freshmen. People who weren't one of the regulars shouldn't be _allowed _to hit such fast balls. The boy who hit the ball had said sorry many times, but he had still woken Jirou from his nap! And then Jirou was told to _practice_ with the ball machines, which was boring and no fun at all. All ball machines did was shoot out tennis balls at the same rate over and over. They didn't do cool moves like Marui-kun's tsuna watari where the tennis ball would roll along the net or techhu ate where the tennis ball would hit the net post.

He had gone to the sports shop right after practice, 'cause the tennis owner had told him all about the new shipment of Wilson racquets that Jirou _really_ wanted to look at (and maybe even get, if they were nice enough) but when he had reached the shop, the racquets were _all gone_. The owner had sounded apologetic and all that, so Jirou had given him a nice big grin and bought himself some grip tape, but he had been _so_ looking forward to getting a new racquet - he was never sure that mail order wouldn't damage the fragile racquets, and Jirou couldn't have _that_ happening.

The worst thing had been when Jirou went to his favourite sweets shop to see that the mousse Pocky hadn't been restocked yet. He had been relying on his Pocky to bring up his mood as he walked home, 'cause nothing was better than the smooth chocolate of mousse Pocky for cheering Jirou up. (Not that Jirou didn't have boxes upon boxes of Pocky and other sweets at home.) It was the final blow, forcing a slight pout onto the blond boy's face, when Jirou noticed a certain bubble-blowing red-haired tensai leaving the shop with a full plastic bag at hand that had the corner of a tiramisu mousse Pocky box sticking out of it. Jirou had called out to the other boy, but he hadn't noticed, too busy joking and chatting with his silver-haired friend.

Jirou admired Marui-kun, he really did, and it hurt him when Marui-kun hadn't even given him a glance. He knew that he and Marui-kun weren't really friends, per se, and not even acquaintances, really, but it'd have been nice to be _noticed_, at least. He _was_ Marui-kun's biggest fan (of this Jirou was _definitely_ sure; he hadn't met anybody else that liked Marui-kun as much as he did), and he deserved at least some acknowledgement, in Jirou's opinion. He left the shop in low spirits that, for once, he wasn't sure that a box or two of mousse Pocky would immediately cure.

He had almost not noticed the pale hand waving at him in his depressed state, and was only shaken out of his daze when somebody shouted, 'Hey, boy with the tennis bag!'

Jirou wheeled around, looking for the source of the voice, to find a woman with a strange dark cape around her standing on the side of the street with a colourful cart. Jirou pointed at himself, questioning, and the woman nodded. 'Yes, you, come over here!'

Jirou obliged, not having much else to do but go home and nap anyway. Upon closer inspection, the colourful cart was really not colourful at all, and just a bland unpainted wood brown. It was the ornaments on it that were colourful, and strange as well. There was a clay head of a bird, several necklaces with beads that looked _remarkably_ like real teeth, feathered dream catchers, and other uncanny things of the sort.

'Well, dear, you look like a charm would do you a world of good,' the woman said in a voice that gave Jirou the shivers, tottering over to the front of her cart slowly. 'What will it be? A love potion?' She gestured at some bottles with questionable liquids inside them, some of which were moving. 'Something to ward away bad luck? Maybe even some curses for a few people you don't like?'

Jirou was, needless to say, a bit alarmed. He walked down this street almost every day, and he didn't remember ever seeing this old woman before - and he was sure that he wouldn't have forgotten her and her wagon of many suspicious wonders. She was an anachronism, her with her wooden shop-on-wheels between the gas-guzzling vehicles and brightly lit stores behind her.

'Won't cost you more than a few hundred yen, dear,' the woman persisted, Jirou noticing a smile in the shadows beneath her hood. 'Take a look! Feel free to touch, but be careful not to break anything.'

Jirou inspected the objects on the cart with a shaky hand, wondering about the various uses of them. Some looked like little trinkets for children, while some of the others seemed like they actually had some dark magic imbued into them. The woman's hard stare assured him that he wouldn't be able to leave without picking something, so the boy picked out a string necklace with a pale, cloudy white pendant on it, and showed it to the wizened old lady. 'How much would this cost?'

There was such an abrupt change to the woman's air that Jirou nearly dropped the pendant. 'Why,' the woman said happily, 'you won't have to pay at all! I was hoping you would choose that, my dear, since it is the perfect thing for you, just the _perfect_ thing.'

'What is it?' Jirou asked, curiosity piqued.

'...A wish pendant. Just... hold onto the pendant with both hands and make a wish, and it'll come true no matter what.'

Jirou was sceptical. He _did_ go to Hyoutei, after all, and there had been many a salesman who tried to con the rich students into buying his products. However, the woman _was _offering it for free... There was no harm in taking it, was there? 'Thank you!' Jirou said cheerfully, slipping the necklace over his head.

'Anytime, dear.'

Jirou continued on his journey home, and had he given but one look back, he would have saw that the lady and her cart had disappeared, strange looking trinkets and all.

xxx

'Onii-san!'

Somebody was poking him, but Jirou kept his eyes clenched tight. Maybe if he pretended to sleep, whoever was bothering him would just go away.

'I know you're not sleeping!'

Jirou opened one eye to see his little sister grinning at him from beside his bed. 'What is it, Mayu-chan?' He smiled back; he could never get angry with his sister.

'Okaa-san told me to tell you that she got a phone call from your school today,' Akutagawa Mayumi replied dutifully. ''Cause you sleeped too much in class.'

Jirou couldn't find it in himself to correct his sister - it was slept, not sleeped -, but patted her head, making her beam. 'Well, I'll talk to kaa-chan about it later. Let your brother sleep.'

Mayumi nodded and left her brother to his bed, skipping out of the room. Stupid Hyoutei guidance counsellor... but Jirou knew that his mother wouldn't care too much - she was used to his sleeping more than the average boy by now, and didn't mind too much about what Jirou did with his time as long as he kept his marks up.

He fingered the pendant that he had gotten, taking it out from under his shirt. It really was a pretty pendant, with faint circles on it that Jirou hadn't noticed previously. There seemed to be English letters too, but Jirou wasn't all too sure of what they said, the words unfamiliar. Why did it matter, really? It was just a toy.

But Jirou found himself trying to think of a wish anyway. What could he wish for? Not anything material; it wasn't as if he was poor or anything. He had friends and family as well. He had good enough marks too.

He then fell back upon Marui-kun's ignoring him, and how injured he had felt.

_Please let Marui-kun notice me. Please let me be a bit closer to him_.

Jirou marvelled at how _stupid_ he was being, acting like the pendant might actually work, but his hands were clenched tightly on the pearl pendant. It wouldn't hurt to hope, right?

He'd deal with talking to his mother the next day, Jirou decided. He would have a nice, long sleep, and then it'd be a new day and everything would be better.

At least, that's what Jirou would have done had not he heard a rather disturbing mumble from outside his open window.

His senses heightened from playing tennis, Jirou slowly turned to the window to see a pair of binoculars in the tree outside.

The volley player immediately bounded over to the window, and sure enough, there were a pair of legs sticking out from the leaves of the tree.

'I've been spotted by our target. Over.'

The binoculars spoke, or rather, the person holding them did.

Then, a muffled voice responded, 'Like, return to headquarters _now_. Over.'

There was a rustle in the leaves, and Jirou almost took a step back as the head of a brown-haired girl holding some sort of device to her ear and a pair of binoculars to her eyes emerged.

'Wait!' Jirou shouted. 'What are you doing in my tree?' To be fair, it really wasn't Jirou's tree - but still.

'The target has just addressed me. What should I do? Over. The girl's voice was lowered, but Jirou could still hear quite clearly what she was saying.

Jirou had a strange feeling that he was the target that the girl was talking about, but target for what? It all seemed dubious, this use of walkie-talkies, binoculars, and talk of targets.

'...You can't leave the scene now, stupid! Find a way to keep him quiet. Over.'

Keep him quiet? It sounded like some spy show, where the spy would... kill somebody to keep him from revealing any secrets... (That also matched up with the earlier talk about targets and things.) Why would he have to be kept quiet? Who _was_ this girl? Jirou was but one breath away from hyperventilating, and it took a lot for him to keep a grin on his face and try to keep calm.

She let go of the binoculars, which hung around her neck on a string, to reveal hazel eyes. 'Would you mind if I stepped in?' she said politely, a frown on her face, and Jirou shook his head. The girl leaped in through the window elegantly, and stood close to Jirou. The girl was wearing a school uniform that Jirou couldn't recognise, and had her schoolbag still slung over a shoulder.

The walkie-talkie spoke up again, but this time there was a different voice. 'Marui Bunta spotted at usual café. Send photographer. Over.'

Jirou's ears immediately caught the name of Marui Bunta, and he perked up, like a cat that had just spotted a plate of fish. 'Marui-kun?' he asked, failing to keep his enthusiasm out of his voice and forgetting his worries about assassination. 'What about him?'

The girl looked at him, curiosity piqued. 'Why do you want to know?'

Everybody in the Hyoutei tennis club - and many out of it - knew to never, _ever_ talk to Jirou about Marui Bunta.

'Oh, I'm his biggest fan!' Jirou exclaimed. 'He's so cool, and such a tensai too! His tennis moves are _so_ amazing, you know, and look _so_ awesome!'

As Jirou talked on and on, as he always did when any mention of Marui Bunta came up, he did not detect the girl's putting her binoculars into her schoolbag, and then putting her hand under her chin, her eyes calculating.

After Jirou had spoken for quite a while about Marui-kun's 'sugoi-ness', the girl finally spoke into her walkie-talkie again.

'I think we have a candidate for the FGA Marui Bunta team. Over.'

The girl then turned her scheming eyes to Jirou. 'So. How would you like to get to know Marui Bunta a bit better, hm?'

xxx

To say that Jirou was amazed beyond anything he could have ever imagined... would be an overstatement.

'This is it?' he said, a bit incredulous.

He had been told that following this girl, who had introduced herself as just Kiyoko, would somehow lead her to Marui - and so far, the results weren't too promising.

They stood now in front of a large gate that definitely didn't look like the gate to Marui's house, or really, the gate to any house that Marui had ever been into - it seemed more like the gate to a mansion. First of all, Marui wasn't insanely rich, and second of all, Marui's house didn't even have a gate. Jirou knew that. Marui lived in a simple house in his own bedroom, which was next to the room that his two younger brothers shared...

Kiyoko ignored his comment, instead choosing to press the button to turn on the speaker.

'Kiyoko speaking,' she said in an official sort of voice.

There was a series of giggles that came through the speaker as loud, scratchy static. 'Oh, I don't know who you are, I'm afraid, Ki-yo-ko. Can't let you in if I don't know you, can I?'

The brunette let her polite expression slip for the first time that night. 'Hiyoko, please stop playing these games,' she replied, sounding and looking quite exasperated. 'Can't you act more professional?'

Another giggle fit. 'Oh, don't be such a party pooper. This isn't a _job_, you know, and it's not like you're on recon now anyway. I'm not Hiyoko either. Are you sure you have the right address?'

'As if there are any other mansions of this size in the area,' Kiyoko muttered, annoyed. Then, she glanced over at Jirou, and flushed a bit pink, as if embarrassed by her quiet outburst. '...This is _Kiyo-tan_, with one applicant-'

'Tell me my name first!' the voice said cheerfully.

'...This is Kiyo-tan, talking to _Hiyo-tan_, with one applicant for the Marui Bunta team's recon position.'

'Ooh, an applicant? That's great! Lola-chan really isn't up to par.' the voice said in an excited tone. 'Who is it, who is it?'

Jirou turned to Kiyoko, who nodded. It was rather strange, having a conversation with a speaker. 'This is Akutagawa Jirou-'

A continuous high-pitched shriek cut him short, making Jirou cringe.

Kiyoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Raising her voice, she requested, 'Please do open the door, Hiyoko. Akutagawa-kun is waiting.'

There was another shriek, a bit quieter this time, and the gates opened without a creak.

'Let's go in then,' Kiyoko said simply, after opening her eyes, and stepped through the gates, walking at a fast pace.

Jirou followed with only the slightest hesitance in his first step, with excitement bubbling with each and every step he took as the hesitance ebbed away.

'Is this your house?' Jirou asked, letting his amazement at his surroundings show through freely. It wasn't often that one found peacocks in Tokyo - and here one was - a peacock strutting about the very large grassy lawn, next to the gargantuan stone fountain.

'No, it isn't,' Kiyoko replied briskly, her legs moving her far ahead so Jirou had to half-jog to keep up. Jirou really wasn't sure how the girl was walking so fast since the school uniform school uniform she was wearing had a skirt and a pair of flat shoes that were definitely not made for walking.

Nevertheless, Kiyoko reached the front door of the mansion a full minute before Jirou did.

'Akutagawa-kun-' Kiyoko started, only to pause briefly. '-if I can call you that?'

Jirou smiled, shrugging, wondering what the point in asking was. She had already called him that earlier.

'Do try and keep up,' Kiyoko reprimanded, sounding strangely like a scolding mother. 'If you are going to be a member of our FGA Marui Bunta team, you relinquish your status as a target and become one of us.'

'What do you mean-' Jirou began, only to have the large, majestic doors open up to an equally majestic front hall.

'Awesome!' Jirou shouted, running outside and forgetting all about his previous thoughts. If Jirou had thought the place was large before, it was _humongous_ now. 'This place is _so cool_!' He ran inside to an empty space that rivalled the size of Atobe's mansion - no - _exceeded it_, and spun around, his eyes sparkling and animated. 'This place is huge!'

'I'm glad you approve,' an amused voice replied, and Jirou's eyes climbed the stairs to see the balcony, on which one blue-haired (it _had_ to be a wig) girl stood, clad in a traditional kimono and a ten-gallon hat.

'Welcome, Akutagawa Jirou-san,' the girl said, spreading her arms wide (and revealing glovelette-wearing hands) and smiling slightly, 'to the Fan Girl Association. How may we be of service?'

**x tsuzuku**

How was it? Horrible, wonderful, either way - please do drop a review to tell me. xD

So if you spot any mistakes - please tell me xP -awinchan


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